In the past year I was constantly asked the following two questions: "How was it so easy for you to put an end to an 8 year old relationship?" and "How could you just quit your job and risk being unemployed after you worked so hard to get promoted?". I never got into it because I felt like it was none of anybody's business. But looking at it from a different perspective, maybe some of you can find a bit of relief or inspiration in what I have to say.
The answer is: More than anything in the world, I am afraid of being stuck in an unhappy situation. It was not easy and they definitely weren't impulsive decisions, but once I realized my needs weren't fulfilled it became easier to go into the unknown. The truth is I looked around me and I saw people who felt miserable but were too scared to leave certain situations. People who were not happy in their relationships and were cheating on their partner, people who put up with bosses who bullied them, people who were generally too scared to make a change, to stand up for themselves and I promised myself I will never be one of them. It takes a lot of courage and a hell lot of strength to put an end to a possibility, to put an end to something you once wanted because you're scared of regret. But think of it this way: If I am unhappy then it is not meant to be in my life. Because why would the Universe, or God or whatever you like to call it would want you to be miserable? Life happens for you, for your happiness and growth, for your evolution. So if you are unhappy that only means you're in the wrong place. Mentally and physically. And what can you do in this situation? Change. Change your mindset, change your perspective upon things and your life will change in ways you never imagined.
By saying yes when you want to say no and by saying no when you want to say yes, you bring your vibration down in a way that breaks your spirit and makes you unhappy and frustrated.
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Let's start with relationships:
I always knew I was incredibly complex and a little more intense and emotional than most people can handle. And my mistake was that I tried suppressing those now acknowledged qualities because I was scared to not make people around me feel uncomfortable. The truth is you can't lie to yourself for too long and not get burnt, and I experienced that in very extreme, soul wrenching ways. It had gotten to the point where I felt such an immense need for change, for self development that the importance of everything else around me failed in comparison.
I realized I was living my life for the people around me, to make them happy but in the process I was suppressing my real self and putting myself down, becoming miserable. And that is wrong for two reasons:
Firstly, because the people who are meant to be in your life will understand you on a whole other level, they will read your mind and feel your energy even if you don't speak, so they will always bring your authentic self to the surface. You will be comfortable being vulnerable, you won't have to explain yourself all the time and you will never be too much for them. You will ONLY be too much for people who aren't enough for you and for people who refuse to meet you on your level and would rather bring you down to theirs.
And secondly, because thinking that it is better to stay in a relationship because you don't want to hurt your partner, or because you might regret this decision is in itself an extremely selfish act, that just proves you don't love them in the first place. Truly loving someone means having the courage to break their heart if it is necessary because you know they deserve better. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, think about it from their perspective: Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't 100% there? Someone who loves you but wants something else, or someone else and is not completely sure if they want a future with you? NO, of course you wouldn't want someone like that. This is how you know it is time to let them go. There is someone else out there who would be perfect for them. Who would love them the way they deserve to be loved, who would accept them fully and who would never doubt their presence in their lives. And your fear of letting them go stands in the way of their happiness and your own. So in the end you will do them a favor by setting them free to find someone who treats them the way they deserve to be treated, and you will set yourself free too, so you can find what your heart truly craves for.
The way I see things, ending this relationship was not an act of selfishness. It was an act of love. Because if you truly love someone and you can't give them what they need, it is best to set them free. And I can not emphasize this enough: You will NEVER have to doubt someone's position in your life if they are meant to be there. If you have to force it in any way, then it is not for you. Realizing this is what made it possible for me to move on. Me, the one who was always her best self in a relationship, who loved loving and giving her everything to her partner, the one who always went out of her way to make someone feel appreciated, happy and comfortable. The one who has never been single and didn't know how to, found sublime happiness and joy in solitude. Bottom line is, it is selfish to stay in a relationship out of fear of being alone or because you're not certain you could find something better.
There's a saying: "Be happy with what you have." which honestly I think is utter bullshit. It's only an excuse to get comfortable and complacent with your life and not strive for more. Yes, I APPRECIATE what I have, but I will ALWAYS want more. From my relationships, from life, from myself. Because if I don't ask for it and work towards it, I will be stuck in the same place, not growing, not expanding. If you go fearlessly in the direction of your dreams, you will make your wants want you. Simple as that.
Career wise, this is what happened:
I was always a very hard working perfectionist. In whatever I do, I either give 100% or don't do it at all. I don't quit easily and I am stubborn and strong as hell when it comes to doing what is morally right so I got rid of whatever and whoever stood in my way of advancing, and trust me, there were a lot of obstacles. From people talking behind my back, thinking "who the hell does she think she is?" to people saying "she doesn't have it in her to do this" I proved everyone wrong. And simply because I am honest to the core and I don't bullshit around. I know myself very well and nothing can stand in between me and what I want. So by ignoring external factors and focusing on myself and my own improvement, I accomplished my goal. The thing is, when I got to where I wanted to be, I realized I don't want it anymore. Life is funny that way. I started seeing things for what they were and just had to accept that what I used to want didn't resonate with the person I grew into anymore and that was OK. I did my best, I proved it to myself and others that I could and that I was damn good at it, but I am not going to feel guilty for changing my mind. This is when I realized nothing in our lives is coincidental. Every job you had, every obstacle that comes in between you and your goal, all the people who don't believe in you are just factors that contribute to your growth. How else would you get to know how strong and confident you can be, how else would you turn into the person you need to be if everything was handed to you easily? If you don't work for it, it's not worth it. Trust me.
In conclusion, no. It is not easy to let go, be it of a person, a job, or just a bad habit. But the best way to do it is to listen to your heart as it will always guide you to where you're supposed to go, and to believe that there is ALWAYS something better out there. There is something perfect for you, and the only way to find it is to let go of what was never yours in the first place. You are the ONLY one standing in your way and the only one who can change your life, so stop being scared and just do it. I promise it will be worth it.
Fast forward a few months, I feel accomplished. My soul is filled with purpose and I know that nothing can stand in the way of getting what I want. I am truly happy. How am I so sure about that? Do you know that feeling of pure joy you get inside your heart when you are really excited about something? The one when it feels like your heart is getting so full of happiness that it's going to jump out of your chest? I feel that. Every. Single. Day. And this is just the beginning.